Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
