does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize