And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
