Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
