Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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