well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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