I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
