i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
