you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
