We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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