Non-Jews are for practice
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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