is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize