That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We need to get me chipped asap
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
