With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
