just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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