a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
