Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
