Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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