i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
