you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
