Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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