Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
