Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
