Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
