If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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