brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
operation have a gay friend backfired
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
