I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize