Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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