I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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