pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
