i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?