In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch