and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.