U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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