I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
