first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
