Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this just has baby written all over it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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