I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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