All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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