Me too!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
