one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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