If i come over, it means nothing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
