I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
pray to the hookup gods
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
