his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
