Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
