If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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