She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
