at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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