how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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