I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
