How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
