i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Houston, we have a squirter
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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