You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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