I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
