we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
