Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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