I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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