Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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