the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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