Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i barfeds in our rink
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
