I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
