just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
