I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
