Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
