well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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