I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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