Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
