Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
