I feel great
I just peed on a car
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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