True but thats because hes a fetus.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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