my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
