dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
