I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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