If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
